Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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