Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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