when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize