I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
