if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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