I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
