i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
