dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
