if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
we're so committed to being not committed
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
