Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
