I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I just threw up on my dentist
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
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