Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Randomize