i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize