xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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