maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
