I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
