she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
