i just had sex bonerless
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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