i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
