Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
