she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
