hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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