And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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