Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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