So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
