apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
