Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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