He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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