Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
