I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Randomize
