i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
