There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
