dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
