I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize