You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
