remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
