At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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