Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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