I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
