I just cut my nipple shaving
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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