Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
