Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
