I'll bet she douches with gravy.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
