i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
