Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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