life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
