two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize