I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
