so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
