yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Randomize