So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize