I have demons in me.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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