I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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