did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
