yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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