i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
