I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Randomize
