I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
