she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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