Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
