38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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