im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
