So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
