Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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