I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
