a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
