is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
