the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
