Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
