I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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