It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
