also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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